INT. ANTHONY’S PENTHOUSE- NIGHT
Cassie is dressed in a tight, black dress with an open back. Her hair is
pulled back. She rings the doorbell. Anthony opens the door. He looks at
Cassie without saying a word. He just stares at her.
Anthony grabs her hand and pulls her inside the apartment. Cassie looks around in awe.
He grabs her hand and starts pulling her towards the balcony.
Where are we going?
Anthony leads Cassie on to the balcony. There’s a spiral staircase. They climb up the staircase.
Cassie is behind Anthony. They step on the roof top. Candles are lit up everywhere.
There’s a table set for two. Soft music is playing in the background. Cassie looks around her in amazement.
She turns and looks at Anthony appreciatively. She smiles at him.
Anthony! This is incredible!
(bowing to Cassie)
I’m glad it pleases my lady!
Yes. She is very pleased.
Anthony pulls out a chair for Cassie. She sits down and Anthony sits down opposite her. A waiter comes out
of nowhere and pours wine into their wine glasses. Anthony keeps staring at Cassie.
You’re embarrassing me.
I’m sorry! But, I can’t take my
eyes off you.
(lifts his glass up for a toast)
Shhhh. Here's to us.
I’m not another name in your black
book, am I?
Cassie lifts her glass too and they
sip their wines. Anthony and Cassie keep looking at each other.
There’s a full moon in the sky. The stars are shining. It’s a warm
summer night. The music is playing. They talk. They eat. They dance and
hold hands. Time passes. While they’re dancing to a slow song,
suddenly there’s a loud buzzing sound over their heads. A bright,
powerful floodlight shines down on them. A helicopter is hovering above
them and a man with a camera is filming them. Cassie starts to fall
backwards. Anthony grabs her. The waiter carrying a dessert trays falls
down and the tray flies out of his hand over the balcony and falls on
top of a car parked below on the street. The table turns over. The
candles all blow out and fall. Cassie’s hairpins all fall out of her
hair. She starts screaming. Anthony grabs her hand and pulls her towards
the spiral staircase. They quickly climb down and enter the penthouse.
Anthony closes the double doors.
scene starts with sound for variety:
A DOORBELL RINGS.
INT. ANTHONY’S PENTHOUSE - NIGHT
more expressive description:
Well-appointed, definitely by a bachelor with eclectic tastes, Anthony,
who is dressed impeccably, opens the door, revealing... Cassie, dressed in
a tight, black dress with an open back, her hair pulled back. The word is “stunning.”
removed Anthony's flat, sentimental dialogue
insert silent action for tension and comedic tone:
Anthony gawks at her, speechless. Cassie looks around her as though she thinks he is looking at
someone or something else, then realizes that he is looking only at her.
continue dialogue for romantic tension:
Anthony breaks out of his daze.
No, not at all. In fact
everything is... just right.
Action is more realistic and flows better:
Cassie blushes from the compliment, but soaks it in. Covering his own nervousness, like a schoolboy,
Anthony grabs Cassie’s hand and starts pulling her towards the balcony.
While being rushed through his apartment, she looks all around her in awe as:
Cassie's dialogue shows her sense of humor:
Nice place you have.
(quietly with concern)
Uh... Where are we going?
Action of losing shoe focuses on Cassie, creating interesting moment, along with romantic,
story-book, Cinderella's slipper symbolism:
Cassie loses a shoe, but somehow manages to sweep it up before it is out of reach.
Anthony leads her onto:
Balcony and rooftops are shown as separate exteriors:
EXT. ANTHONY’S BALCONY - NIGHT
Complete with a spiral staircase, which they climb, Cassie as gracefully
as possible putting her shoe back on while ascending behind Anthony. They step onto:
EXT. ROOFTOP - NIGHT
Cassie’s mouth drops as she takes in lit candles everywhere, a table
romantically set for two, SOFT MUSIC playing in the background.
She looks around her in wonderment and approaches the table.
"incredible" (overused) is changed to "amazing":
Anthony, this is... amazing.
(bowing to Cassie)
It pleases m' lady?
Mushy dialogue is tempered with Cassie's sharp wit:
Oh, you passed "pleasing" a long
time ago. (laughs)
"WAITER" is capitalized to show a new character:
Anthony pulls out a chair for Cassie. She sits down and Anthony sits down opposite her.
A WAITER comes out of nowhere and pours wine into their wine glasses, and quickly vanishes.
Anthony keeps staring at Cassie.
The following dialogue is added to create romantic tension and to show Cassie's humor and perceptive abilities:
(quietly with concern)
What, no violinists?
Anthony shows surprised disappointment.
He flips out a cell-phone and starts to dial, when Cassie gently puts her hand on his arm.
I was kidding.
Anthony self-consciously puts away the phone.
Oh... Of course.
Cassie gives him an amazed look as she barely shakes her head.
You were going to do it,
You're amazing. So much wealth
and influence... Yet, when I
look at your eyes... they seem...
My eyes? Oh, that must be the
(changing the subject)
Which, if I might add, you look
very good in. (gazing at her)
Anthony, you're embarrassing me.
I'm sorry; I don't meant to.
It's just that's it's hard to
take my eyes off you.
"Shhh" is written before parenthetical to delineate the subsequent
separate action of toasting:
(toasting with glass)
Here's to us.
is used in parenthesis to show how Cassie's dialogue is delivered with
I'm not just another name in
your black book, am I?
Just by changing the exclamation point to a period tones down Anthony's line, which came
across as melodramatic:
The following description suits the romantic aspect of the genre (romantic
The "time passes" note has been cut to not lose the romantic tension
and, instead, we have the opportunity of seeing Cassie come together by
showing Anthony asking her to dance and the two of them proceeding to
dance, thereby creating a stronger, romantic tone:
Cassie lifts her glass and they sip their wine, continuing to gaze into each
other’s eyes. We come in close on Cassie’s eyes, one of them reflecting a full moon in the sky.
The stars are shining brightly. The sultry music keeps rhythm to the warm summer breeze, which
caresses Cassie’s hair. Anthony offers his hand and indicates that he wants to dance with her.
Cassie puts her hand in his and they fluidly take the floor and
dance together, both of them sensing the magic and attraction, which
brings them physically closer moment by moment.
The next action sequence is accented by starting a new paragraph. The
helicopter and the cameraman is revealed in a more dramatic and cinematicfashion.
A loud, REVERBERATING SOUND pierces the air above their heads. Cassie and Anthony are hit with a bright,
floodlight that emanates from a helicopter hovering above them, a MAN inside it with a camera filming them.
The vibration from the rotors shakes the table, the wine glasses dancing by themselves, losing their
Now we're focused on Cassie and Anthony in a new paragraph:
Cassie covers her eyes from the powerful beam, as the generated air currents
snuff out all the candles at the same moment, and knock her backwards. Anthony grabs her.
The nonplussed, entering waiter stumbles and loses a dessert tray over the balcony.
The table turns over, sending all that was on it CRASHING to the floor.
Once again, the extended action is broken up with another paragraph.
"SCREAM" is capitalized because it is a sound.
Entering the penthouse is cut because it is a new scene and will be designated as
Cassie’s hairpins become dislodged and her tresses fall ungracefully about her.
She can take no more, an uncontrollable SCREAM erupting from her desperate mouth. Anthony
grabs her hand and pulls her towards the spiral staircase as they are
whipped by the synthetic wind. They quickly clamber down the staircase and enter: