Sample of Page-By-Page Script Notes For a
Sitcom ("Coach") (Cont'd Page 2)

PAGE 7:  Here’s a suggestion to make the dialogue even more witty.

                    HAYDEN

          You always talk to yourself on the phone?

                    LUTHER

          Sure.  Saves on long distance.

PAGE 8:  Hayden is hot-tempered and volatile, which you can reveal in these changes in  his dialogue.  Note how these dialogue changes produce humor because he overreacts and also contradicts himself.

                                 HAYDEN

           I don't believe this.  My assistant

           coach called a psychic for a game plan.

                    LUTHER

           Well, it worked didn't it?

                    HAYDEN

           I can’t-- (REALIZING)...  Yeah. It did.

                    LUTHER

           (SHOWING THE RECEIVER IN HIS HAND)

           You want me to hang up?

                    HAYDEN

           Yes.  (QUICKLY)  No!  I don't know!

           We've got to win tomorrow to stay in

           the season.  I guess it wouldn't hurt

           to just see what he says.

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