Sample of Page-By-Page Script Notes For a
Sitcom ("Coach")


You’ve come up with an excellent, original premise for a “Coach” episode with your episode entitled “Crystal Football.”  The idea of having Haden becoming mixed up with a “sports psychic” is truly creative and is a wonderful terrain for comedy, which you have skillfully developed, showing your distinctive style of humor.  The “Coach” script is very visual (which is a must for a sitcom to work), has some very witty dialogue that captures the characters’ specific voices, a sitcom rhythm and tone, and shows a penetrating awareness of the main personalities.

The following are specific writing suggestions that you are free to use:

PAGE 1:  Give Dauber one of his dimwitted comebacks such as:

                    HAYDEN

           What are you potato heads doing?!

                    DAUBER

           Coach, I think you mean,"potato couches."

          (REALIZES THAT DIDN'T COME OUT RIGHT)

 PAGE 4:  Have Hayden shoot some of Luther’s very same words back at him, which is a  device that helps connect characters’ dialogue.

                    LUTHER

          And you should see my abs now.

                    HAYDEN

          The only thing I want to see is

          you two working on those game tapes.

PAGE 5:  Here’s another example of “dialogue connecting” you can employ.

LUTHER

           All these people were on who say the

           Sports Psychic has helped them win and

           how relieved they are now.  

                    HAYDEN

           Yeah, relieved of their wallets.


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