Sample of Page-By-Page Script Notes For a
Romantic Comedy (Cont'd Page 2)
“The finger” is too crude a gesture for our
protagonist. Consider using a dismissive gesture when Patty is
driving off. Watch
out for “Well’s” and excessive lead-up words such as
have Cece walk off after gesturing to Patty driving off.
She can look at her own body, react and then you can
cut scene. Stay
clear of “soap opera” conversations, melodramatic
Establish Cece’s sadness when she sees other
couples, but not with flowing tears.
Rather, show her trying to stay strong despite the
pain. Take out
Cece’s crude talk and you don’t need, “I know this will
sound stupid.” Keep
your dialogue tight.
Antoine’s “Dear, Cece” speech while she sleeps
is over the top; an audience could groan from it.
You could just have him look at her lovingly with no
The Harley and Antoine airport scene seems to
accomplish nothing. Consider
Take out Grandpa Joseph’s “... It’s hard for me
to say this...” These
are expository words that are inauthentic.
You could put a parenthetical in such as
“(struggling)”... but avoid having characters describe
Be wary of “heroine-speak” such as Cece’s
We don’t want to see a “cape” on her.
The New Year’s Eve flashback works quite well
(although we predict it because you put too much earlier
emphasis on him cheating.
Maybe there is a way to withhold that information so
that this scene is more of a shock to us.
Cece’s memory. So
only show what she observes.
Do not show Brandon after Cece leaves.
How would she know what Brandon did?
You mixed her flashback with simple narrative, which
is very confusing. You
could have Cece pretend to leave and that way she
could see how he returns to his lover.
That might be a much more dramatic and stronger choice
for the scene.
Cece’s bedroom phone scene is too obviously an
information moment. Consider
Every location or time change must be written as a new
scene with an “INT.” or “EXT.” (interior or
Montages are usually written out with each different
moment/scene on a separate line.
Just make the bottom of page 27 one montage, which
carries over (without “CUT TO:”) into page 28, which is
all part of one montage.
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