Sample of Page-By-Page Script Notes For a
Romantic Comedy (Cont'd Page 2)

PAGE 11:  “The finger” is too crude a gesture for our protagonist.   Consider using a dismissive gesture when Patty is driving off.  Watch out for “Well’s” and excessive lead-up words such as that.  Don’t have Cece walk off after gesturing to Patty driving off.  She can look at her own body, react and then you can cut scene.  Stay clear of “soap opera” conversations, melodramatic deliveries.

PAGE 14:  Establish Cece’s sadness when she sees other couples, but not with flowing tears.  Rather, show her trying to stay strong despite the pain.  Take out Cece’s crude talk and you don’t need, “I know this will sound stupid.”  Keep your dialogue tight.

PAGE 15:  Antoine’s “Dear, Cece” speech while she sleeps is over the top; an audience could groan from it.  You could just have him look at her lovingly with no sentimental dialogue.

PAGE 18:  The Harley and Antoine airport scene seems to accomplish nothing.  Consider omitting it.

PAGE 20:  Take out Grandpa Joseph’s “... It’s hard for me to say this...”  These are expository words that are inauthentic.  You could put a parenthetical in such as “(struggling)”... but avoid having characters describe their feelings.

PAGE 21:  Be wary of “heroine-speak” such as Cece’s “I’m determined...”  We don’t want to see a “cape” on her.

PAGE 22:  The New Year’s Eve flashback works quite well (although we predict it because you put too much earlier emphasis on him cheating.  Maybe there is a way to withhold that information so that this scene is more of a shock to us.  IMPORTANT:  It’s Cece’s memory.  So only show what she observes.  Do not show Brandon after Cece leaves.  How would she know what Brandon did?  You mixed her flashback with simple narrative, which is very confusing.  You could have Cece pretend to leave and that way she could see how he returns to his lover.  That might be a much more dramatic and stronger choice for the scene.

PAGE 23:  Cece’s bedroom phone scene is too obviously an information moment.  Consider cutting it.

PAGE 27:  Every location or time change must be written as a new scene with an “INT.” or “EXT.” (interior or exterior).

PAGE 27:  Montages are usually written out with each different moment/scene on a separate line.  Just make the bottom of page 27 one montage, which carries over (without “CUT TO:”) into page 28, which is all part of one montage.

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