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Screenwriting Help E-Mail (Previous)

Updated every Monday, one selected e-mail will be posted and answered here each week. With many years of experience in the film and television business, I look forward to providing answers to your questions (often with a humorous eye) about screenwriting or the entertainment industry in general.  Please send your e-mailed questions to: Script Advisor.  You may also wish to visit our Screenwriting Help E-Mails - The Archives.

This week's question: 

I've gotten some good news on my script, but I want everything to hurry up.  The producers aren't moving quick enough for me.  What should I do?

June H. 


This week's answer: 

Producer Pace

June, you seem to be quite an observant screenwriter.  Producers don't move quickly enough.  That's the God's honest truth.  They really don't.  But don't fret.  You're most likely undergoing that strange mathematical formula and quantum physics law concerning producers that goes something like this:

Once a screenwriter receives good news about a script from a producer, the producer moves as half as slowly as he did when he gave the good news.

The mathematical formula, with screenwriter being "SW" and the producer being "P" and giving the good news as "GGN" and the regular speed of producer before giving the good news as "RSBGGN" and the half the producer's speed being "1/2/PS," goes as follows:

I hope that helps.

There is a way to deal with the problem of PS (Producer Slowdown).  Some script consultants might tell you to develop patience and poise, that each moment that passes while you wait to hear back from the producer is an opportunity, even a gift, and a "challenge" (as too many people now say instead of "problem," which it is -- the problem about too many people calling everything "a challenge.")  But what I say is, since you know the formula showing how producers move at half-speed, the best thing to do is for you to move at 1/2 your normal speed.  Better yet, move at 1/4 your normal speed.  That way, whatever the producer does will seem like it's happening too quickly.  Now, when you do that, be prepared for some reactions from your friends and others around you who may surmise that you've taken up Tai Chi or got caught in some kind of time warp.  But don't worry.  If you start feeling self-conscious, you can always go to your local post office.

And pretend you work there.

DcH

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