This week's Answer:
Rita. Rita. (You're not by any chance
employed in the profession of meter maid, are you? Just
checking.) I do appreciate you contacting me with that perennial
question, "I haven't sold anything. What should I
do?" I'll do my best to assist you...
Have you tried Ebay?
Oh. You mean "a
script." You haven't sold a script. That's
different. Or is it? Hey, come to think of it, maybe
we could sell our scripts on Ebay?
Think how easy that would be: You write your script; decide how
much you want to sell it for (maybe, oh, let's say... the starting bid
would be something like... $200,000, give or take); post it: and let
the bidding wars begin! Sometimes I'm amazed by my own
genius. That's the way to go, I'm sure. Cut out the middle
man. Or middle men. Like producers, studios,
agents, investors, distributors (they could be middle women,
too). Forget 'em. Just sell your script on Ebay.
Maybe there could be a separate section of Ebay for script
sales. Let's call it "ScriptBay."
There are other ways to sell your
script. Let's take a look, shall we?
wAYs To Sell YouR ScRipT other than on Ebay
Get an ice cream man's uniform and and ice cream cart or truck and
drive around neighborhoods, pretending to sell ice cream, but when the
little children approach you for treats, pull out your scripts and
sell them to them for a few dollars or 50 cents and tell them to take
them to their parents. (N.B., It's best to choose neighborhoods
where wealthy people in the movie business live.)
Get a cemetery handyman's uniform and bring a shovel or rake or pick
and hang around funerals in cemeteries and, when people are saying
goodbye to their loved ones and tossing in roses or special, personal
items into the grave, you pull out your script and toss it in.
Shocked people often are not thinking very clearly and will pay money
when they normally wouldn't. (N.B., It's best to choose
cemeteries where wealthy people in the movies are laid to rest).
As you can see, there
are many alternatives for selling your script and you don't have to
take the usual route of finding an agent and convincing him or her to
represent your script and then the agent has to convince a producer to
buy your script, who has to convince a studio to buy your script, who
has to convince a distributor to show the film of your script.
Come on. That takes far too much time and
The only one you have
to convince is you. That would be a great title for a book about
Only One You Have To Convince Is You
Or for some New Age, self-help,
"let's all try to think more positive" tripe -- not that I
don't love those kinds of books. I think somebody should write a
To Stay Positive and Organized When Your Place is Cluttered with
I want to write more
but I need to get on Ebay.