This week's Answer:
Tricks to Getting Your Work Seen
Thank you, Desperate, for your
message. (Are you, by chance, related to Sleepless
in Seattle? Or Awake in Arkansas? Just
wondering. Or Half-Conscious in Hawaii?)
Secret or trick, huh? Let me ponder that idea for a
moment... To get your screenplay looked at, huh...?
(Don't worry: I'm not going to keep repeating.
Keep repeating, huh...? I'm starting to sound like
Lloyd Bridges, huh?)
Yes, Desperate, I may have a few
tricks up my sleeve that I could let you in on. When
you say, "look at," I assume you mean you want
producers to be the lookers. The following is a
partial list of some of my secret tricks. I'm
divulging them to you, but it needs to be on the
hush-hush. On the down-low. The Q-T.
Very low profile.
TRICKS FOR GETTING YOUR SCREENPLAY LOOKED AT BY A
1. Rent a helicopter and fly
over a studio, dropping hundreds of your scripts. (Tell the
pilot to keep moving because I hear studio security guards now have
access to rocket launchers.)
2. Glue the pages of your
script to your SUV. Drive crazily through the streets like Jack
does in "24" (Oh. Make sure you've painted it
black if it isn't already) and crash into a producer as he is driving
along. When he climbs dazedly out of his SUV (probably a
Lexus. Or Jaguar or Benz or Beemer) he'll have to see your script all
over your now-bent SUV.
3. Set yourself on fire (use
SFX) and walk up to a producer, asking him to help you to douse the
flames and... at the same time, whip out your script from your blazing
jacket and show it to him.
4. Call a producer, pretending
that you're an agent who has this hot screenwriter whose work the
producer has just got to look at. By the time you're
indicted for fraud and misrepresentation, he'll have already looked at
I know many more secret tricks like
these that are sure to get your screenplay looked at. I do need
to make a light disclaimer that, in case you are blown out of a
helicopter or have a bad vehicular accident or become badly burned or
are thrown in jail...
I don't know you.
Good luck with your quest.