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This week's question: 

Is there some kind of secret or trick you know that I could use to get my screenplay looked at?

Desperate in Arlington

This week's Answer: 

Secret Tricks to Getting Your Work Seen

Thank you, Desperate, for your message.  (Are you, by chance, related to Sleepless in Seattle?  Or Awake in Arkansas?  Just wondering.  Or Half-Conscious in Hawaii?)  Secret or trick, huh?  Let me ponder that idea for a moment...  To get your screenplay looked at, huh...? (Don't worry:  I'm not going to keep repeating.  Keep repeating, huh...?  I'm starting to sound like Lloyd Bridges, huh?)

Yes, Desperate, I may have a few tricks up my sleeve that I could let you in on.  When you say, "look at," I assume you mean you want producers to be the lookers.  The following is a partial list of some of my secret tricks.  I'm divulging them to you, but it needs to be on the hush-hush.  On the down-low.  The Q-T.  Very low profile.


1.  Rent a helicopter and fly over a studio, dropping hundreds of your scripts.  (Tell the pilot to keep moving because I hear studio security guards now have access to rocket launchers.)

2.  Glue the pages of your script to your SUV.  Drive crazily through the streets like Jack does in "24"  (Oh.  Make sure you've painted it black if it isn't already) and crash into a producer as he is driving along.  When he climbs dazedly out of his SUV (probably a Lexus.  Or Jaguar or Benz or Beemer) he'll have to see your script all over your now-bent SUV.

3.  Set yourself on fire (use SFX) and walk up to a producer, asking him to help you to douse the flames and... at the same time, whip out your script from your blazing jacket and show it to him.

4.  Call a producer, pretending that you're an agent who has this hot screenwriter whose work the producer has just got to look at.  By the time you're indicted for fraud and misrepresentation, he'll have already looked at your script.

I know many more secret tricks like these that are sure to get your screenplay looked at.  I do need to make a light disclaimer that, in case you are blown out of a helicopter or have a bad vehicular accident or become badly burned or are thrown in jail...

I don't know you.

Good luck with your quest.



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