Jake, I know exactly what you mean. There are so many buzz words these
days around movies and screenplays that it can make you do more than
wince. How about grimace? Or contort? And there's scowl,
also. That's a good one. Truly, there is much out there in Movieland
that can deeply offend our cinematic sensibilities. And film critics who
are mothers? Now that's a different (and often disastrous) story
altogether. Imagine that one. No, don't. It's just too painful
Now that just about anybody who has a DVD player and some DVD rental money
can view not only movies but all the "side shows" that come along with
them (what do they call them, again? Oh, yes: Extras.), you're
hearing more and more people talking about directors' cuts, alternative endings,
and other film terms that one would normally hear only at the studios.
It's enough to make one want to just leave the USA and go live in another
country. Like China or India or Australia. Wait. All those
countries have big movie companies. Thailand. No, I think they film
a lot of pictures there, too. Maybe somewhere in Africa. I don't
think there are many people talking about films in Africa. Then again,
there have been quite a number of them shot there recently.
One way of combating a self-appointed film critic (SAP) is to become a
critic of self-appointed film critics. You could walk around and, when you
encounter a SAP (quite an appropriate acronym, wouldn't you agree?), simply look
them in the eye, and say in an authoritative voice, "I give you a thumbs
down" while indicating the same with a downward thrust of your thumb.
Then walk away with an authoritative stride (whatever that is).
As for how you, Jake, should keep on writing amongst this deluge of movie
mumbo-jumbo, I advise that you do just that: keep on writing. In
fact, you could write "cease and desist" letters and e-mails to people
who have bothered you with their unsolicited views on particular motion picture
perspectives, warning them that if they continue their unwelcome diatribes on
the cinematic process that you, an official of the Don't Talk About Movies
Agency, will take whatever necessary measures to quell the tide of "I know
all about movies and I'm going to tell you everything I know"isms (those
necessary measures being you sending more letters and e-mails. I know it's
despicable, but somebody has to do it.)
I recognize how people's flagrant tossing around of film buzz words can be
offensive to you, Jake. Maybe you could use those uncomfortable feelings and
channel them into something efficacious (I could have used the more easily
recognizable word, "efficient," but, as a script consultant, it's
important to throw in words that have at least four syllables and that people
don't readily understand and make them go to a dictionary and think, "Wow,
what a smart script consultant!"). Hey, you could write your next
screenplay about a screenwriter who is deeply offended by anything they hear
from anybody about screenwriting. You could call it...
You could get a six- or seven-figure deal and it could be an
enormous (gargantuan), mega-, super-, very big hit that would be number one at
the box office and everybody would love it and it would become a very popular
DVD with a bunch of extras that just about everybody would see and talk about
your director's cut and alternative endings.